Batman Returns: The Total Drama Version
by ForeverTheTorturedRebel
Summary: A retelling of one of the most darkest Batman movies of all time. The Penguin and Catwoman have run amuck among Gotham City and now Justin Wayne must don the black cape one more time to bring the carnage to an end. Will only update if I get few reviews.
1. The Cast

**Batman Returns: The Total Drama Version**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the movie or the Total Drama series. Batman is owned by DC comics and Total Drama is owned by FreshTV. Enough said.**

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**I don't have the story yet, but here's the cast of characters, just to get started...**

Justin - Bruce Wayne/Batman (Same bone structure and a six pack that can mold to the leathery costume, I think Justin makes a good fit!)

Heather - Selina Kyle/Catwoman (I like how Heather can really act so seductive and tame in this story...)

Owen - Oswald Cobblepot/Penguin (This really matches them, since they're both fat.)

Alejandro - Max Shreck (The second main bad guy played by the one and only Christopher Walken.)

Harold - Alfred Pennyworth (I figured I give Harold much more of a loyal role.)

Trent - The Mayor

Lindsay - The Ice Princess

Tyler - Charlies "Chip" Shreck (Also known as Max's son and right-hand man)

Chris McLean - Commisioner Gordon

**I'm sorry if I missed everyone in this story, but I promise you that I will include more characters you love into this story, I think... Read and review until then.**


	2. Chapter 1

**Batman Returns: The Total Drama Version**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the movie or the Total Drama series. Batman is owned by DC comics and Total Drama is owned by FreshTV. Enough said.  
**

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**Chapter 1  
**

A stuffy mansion about 40 years ago. The viewer floats through an overbearing mansion and up its sweeping staircase to where a stern man in conservative dress is pacing back and forth, smoking a cigarette in a cigarette holder. He just happens to be the father. The throes-of-labor pants and moans of the mother can be heard from down the hall.

Now, eerie Gaas and Goos chill the air. The Father stops and gapes the cigarette holder out of his mouth to see a dazed nurse shuffle out of the birth room and disappear down the hallway. A traumatized doctor next wanders out as the Father runs past him into the room. The viewer remains outside and hears the Father's subsequent screams.

It was recently Christmas Eve as a bizarrely corrugated Cage sits amid the plush, period, and Christmased-up surroundings of the mansion. With their backs turned to the sickly squeals emerging from the Playpen from Hell, Father and Mother, holding martinis, look out a window of gentle snowfall, with bloodshot eyes. A 50's-type radio warbles "Santa Claus is coming to Town." as astrange pair of eyes peer from the cage. Taking the point of view of the eyes from inside the playpen, one sees the mansion's Christmas tree from between the dark cage slats.

"He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake..." The giddy yuletide singers sing as the family cat skulks past the cage - almost. Without warning, the cat is yanked - so fast and powerfully it seems that it's been sucked - through the bars, into the cage. A feline scream is heard, then sickening silence. With dead syncopation, Mother and Father finish off their martinis, and plop the empty glasses down.

Meanwhile, right in the park, the happy couple decked out in 50's dress, pushes a baby carriage through the park cooing toward their bundle of joy inside. Father and Mother straggle from the other direction, creaking forward an ominously closed-up, wickedly de-signed baby carriage that serves to muffle nasty whining and thumping noises.

"Merry Christmas!" Father and Mother fake a smiling response that collapses as the happy couple passes. They then brake at a story-book bridge over a bubbling brook. With dark nonchalance, Father and Mother each grab an end of the carriage and heave it upward.

The carriage then swirls in the air and splashes down into the small river. Right side up, the carriage gently rides the tranquil rapids out of the park area. It bobs through an open sewer tunnel pipe. The carriage innocently slides through the murky waters of the awesomely cavernous and creepy sewer, softly surfing its sides. INT. A DARK LAIR-NIGHT

The resilient carriage spews from a gaping pipe into a moat of water that surrounds a vast patch of snow and ice that is the centerpiece of a dark and mysterious lair. The carriage rides a gentle wave onto the sanctuary's arctic island, into a patch of light. From out of the darkness of the lair, four statuesque emperor pengiuns with distinguished gray bellies regally approach the carriage and surround it with spooky authority.

40 years later, A Batman logo fills the frame with a portentous soundtrack boom. A playful salvo of snowballs reverberates against this image as the logo is revealed to be a hanging center- piece in the display window of a store that sells Batman sleds, lunch boxes, T-shirts, and ticking-to-twenty- before-Seven clocks.

Bathed in pristine snow and packed with elated shoppers, poinsettia grasping lovers, blessed carolers, and an overwhelming array of Christmas decoration, the intimate Plaza center of Gotham City has been dragged kicking and screaming into a state of beauty and happiness.

An All-Anmerican holds up a bowed Batman sled to an All-American Mom, as an All-American son rushes up causing All-American Dad to exaggeratedly hide the present behind his back. Just behind them, an adorable little girl takes a dollar from her precious little purse and gives it to a Salvation Army Santa. A sweet, microphoned voice wafts out over the Plaza.

"Could I have your attention, Gotham City?"

A dewy-eyed young lovely, wearing a snow bunny fur, a tiara, and a banner streamed across her chest that reads "Ice Princess", continues into her mike. An Elegant Lampost Clock, near the stage, ticks fifteen minutes till seven.

"It's time for tonight's Lighting of the Tree! How 'bout that?" The merry Consumers stop to watch as Lindsay, the Ice Princess scurries to an immense vibrantly multi-colored button and presses it down. This causes a mammoth Christmas Tree to light up as the entire crowd erupts in aahs and oohs.

Meanwhile Through a grand, vertical half-circle sewer grate, an older pair of strange eyes peer. Taking the point of view of the eyes through the grate slats, one sees the blazing Christmas Tree, just as one did through the Playpen bars. A pair of black webbed hands - flippers, really - curl out around the grate bars. Eerily poking out next is a twisted bird-like nose and a creepy pair of barely audible lips.

"I know when you are sleeping, I know when you're awake." The creepy butler said quietly as the world's most beloved butler, harold, marches past the sewer grate, and past a paperboy who bustles up, holding a newspaper headlined "Penguin - Man or Myth or Something Worse?"

"Read about the latest sighting of the Penguin creature! He was seen torching a homeless shelter, robbing a blind -" the paperboy said right to Harold as he cut him off in respect.

"Dear Boy! Sometimes it is a diversion to read such piffle. Most times it is a waste of time." harold said with a regal smile as he suddenly feels a chill from behind, and below him, he turns to the sewer grate just as the slimy flippers disappear into the darkness.

The viewer goes from Gotham's bowels to its summit. The top floor of the building housing the department store is a tower of Ivory with a large, friendly sentinel of a cat at its tippy top. Two men stand in the window, pointing down to the Plaza below.

The conference room presents itself in its high-tech splendor. A mighty Shreck Corporation logo of a friendly cat adorns one wall. The two men are Alejandro Shreck and Trent the Mayor. Alejandro happens to be a pillar of community charisma as Trent the Mayor is more straightforward and less spectacular.

"Well, here's hoping ... With Batman protecting us, and all your enterprises keeping our economy on full boil, Gotham just might have its first real Christmas in a good long while." Trent said with such confidence.

"I feel almost vulgar, in this Yuletide context, about mentioning the new power plant. But if we're gonna break ground when we've gotta break ground, I'll need permits, variances, tax incentives... that sort of pesky nonsense." Alejandro spoke with such a nod. Evidently, this is the first the Mayor has heard of it.

"Power plant"? Max, our studies show that Gotham has enough energy sources to sustain growth into the next cen-" Trent replied trying to understand the stats, but Alejandro had to cut him off again.

"Your analysts are talking growth at one percent per annum. That's not growth, that's a mild swelling." Alejandro spoke with such a scoff." I'm planning ahead for a revitalized Gotham City ... So we can light the whole plaza without worrying about brownouts ... Do you like the sound of 'brownouts'? Do you?

Behind them, Alejandro's football-hero son Tyler enters. Alongside Tyler happens to be Heather Kyle, Alejandro's beautiful- beneath-bifocals-and-a-subdued-haircut assistant. She sets down fresh coffee for both Alejandro and Trent.

"Imagine a Gotham City of the future lit up like a blanket of stars ... but blinking on and off, embarrassingly low on juice. Frankly I cringe, Mr. Mayor. Chip glances to a fierce digital clock showing 6:50." Alejandro replied much to his amusement.

"Dad. Mr. Mayor ... It's time to go downstairs and bring joy to the masses." Tyler informed his dad and the Mayor altogether.

Alejandro looks to the Mayor with a look saying "What's it gonna be?"

"Sorry. You'll have to submit reports, blueprints and plans to the usual committees, through the usual channels. This isn't what Max wants to hear." Trent said with such curt fashion right to Tyler. But before he can retort, Heather soon stepped in.

"Um, I had a suggestion. Well, really, actually more of just a question..." Heather replied as Alejandro turns, looking goggle-eyed at the impertinence.

"I'm afraid we haven't properly house-broken, Ms. Kyle. In the plus column, though, she knows how to brew coffee." Alejandro responded as Tyler followed his father and the Mayor out. Tyler then turns to Heather, re the untouched coffee.

"Thanks. Y'know it's not the caffeine that buzzes us - it's the obedience." Tyler spoke out as Heather was soon left alone.

"Shut up, Tyler." Heather shot back as she soon slaps her forehead with her palm."Actually more of just a question. You stupid corn dog..." Corn dog.

Outside Shreck's department store, Alejandro, his son and the Mayor roll out from beneath the Shreck sign, through popping flashbulbs and happy Gothamites. Alejandro then smoothly hands a fifty and a second bill to a Salvation Army Santa. Santa checks the second bill, in which it turns out to be a single.

"Watch your step, Dad, it's pretty grotesque..." Alejandro spoke gracefully as he side-steps an island of melting sludge. We follow its oozing stream down into a sewer grate.

Below in the sewer however, a silhouette of a squat, gnarled figure responds to the icky drizzle by flapping open an umbrella, in shadow. Both Alejandro and Trent move, both smiling to the dais.

"I have enough signatures - from Shreck employees alone - to warrant a recall. That's not a threat. Just simple math." Alejandro said right to Trent, therefore examining the stats.

"Maybe. But you don't have an issue, Al. Nor do you have a candidate." Trent spoke out to him as the elegant clock behind them says five minutes till seven. Both Alejandro and Trent both peck Lindsay the Ice Princess's cheek as Trent takes the mike with forced joviality.

"The man who's given this city so much is here, to keep giving. Welcome Gotham's own Santa Claus, Alejandro Shreck!"

Meanwhile, right inside Alejandro's office, Heather sullenly scribbles "Obey" on a post-it pad which she then sticks on the edge of her computer beside other girlishly masochistic post-its like "Don't 'get' jokes" and "Save it for your diary". Heather then pouts at the sound of the cheering crowd.

A phone then rings as Heather just stares at it. Then past it, to a legal pad sheet with the word sppeech is scribbled atop it. Selina pops to it in a panic.

"Darn. Darn." Heather said as Alejandro, Trent, and his staff proudly hurl small wrapped boxes into the eager audience. Alejandro then stops to unzip a hand-size portfolio-it is empty by giving it a calm, clenched-teeth hiss to Tyler.

"Forgot. My. Speech. Remind me to take it out on Heather." Alejandro said right to Tyler, and then back into the mike. "Santa Claus'? 'Fraid not. I'm just a poor schmoe who got a little lucky, and sue me if I want to give a little back. I only wish I could hand out more than just expensive baubles. I wish I could hand out World Peace and Unconditional Love, wrapped in a big bow."

As Alejandro is still talking, the umbrella closes to reveal a POV of the babbling Alejandro up through a stage-side sewer grate.

"Oh, but you can. Oh, but you will..." the raspy voice said once again as his clammy flipper rises up, barely into the light, to flick open a rusted, ornately battered time-piece as it was one minute till.

A gargantuan Christmas present with a colossal red bow is suddenly seen floating into the Plaza. Citizens turn their heads from the stage to gasp in wonder. Behind the Adorable Little Girl, Harold reaches a parked Wayne Rolls Royce and tosses in his present. He pulls off a ticket from the windshield with a huff, then looks out to the big present warily. The alarms on the clocks in the Batman Store window go off at seven o' clock. The Mayor admires the Mega-gift, grudgingly.

"Great idea..." Trent scoffed a little.

"But not mine..." Alejandro spoke in mystified fashion as he drops a present, therefore landing atop the sewer grate below. Standing before the fallen present happens to be the shadow of the face of the man one calls Owen Cobblepot, or Penguin.

"Deck the halls..." Owen smirked evilly as one can make out motorcycle wheels churning beneath the box and even some moving feet when suddenly the front of the box tears open.

With a rebel yell, a gang of surly carnival denizens with red triangles tattooed over their left eyes blitzkrieg the crowd, which includes harold, who protectively bolts toward the Little Girl. A strongman (Lightning) covered in tattoos emerges out of the box to slam the All-American Dad and swipe his Batman sled, which Strongman then uses to hammer down Santa Claus.

Oblivious, Heather then rushes out with Alejandro's speech as a trio of scowling bikers buzz her to the ground. The Batman sled then crunches against a frosty police wind-shield.

A disgruntled Comissioner McLean sputters out into his radio. "What are you waiting for? The Signal!"

Amid the Gotham sky, The renowned Bat Beacon blazes onto the edge of the night. The Bat Beacon can be seen through an elegant mansion window. Its reflection is picked up in an ornate mirror in the grand living room and then followed to another strategically placed mirror. The reflection glows against the face of a sitting-in-darkness Justin Wayne as he moves out of the light.

Through the grate bars, the beacon in the sky can be made out, accompanied by strange squawks.

"Ooh, Batman... You gonna piss on my parade..?" Owen rasped on the sidelines angrily as a fire breather smashes open a big hole in the Batman Store display window with his Fire-rod. He sticks his rod in his mouth, then bellows a cloud of flame onto the Batman merchandise. Amid the chaos of whimpering victims and dropped shopping bags, a fleeing Lindsay shoves an Elderly Woman to the ground.

Monkeys with cap-pistols frolic on the shoulders of a man (Scott) equipped with an organ-grinder-Gatling-gun, as he fires artillery into the Christmas tree, blasting off ornaments, cables, and lights. Alejandro and Trent both hit the deck.

"Take that, tannenbaum!" the organ grinder yelled in such smirkness as a fat clown (Sam) leaps onto the stage with a wickedly dressed dame (Dakota), who wears an assortment of knives, and a raggedly sword swallower (Mike) who chokes up an Excaliber.

"Relax. We just came for the guy who runs the show." Dakota the knifethrowing dame, said as Trent the Mayor bravely stepped forward.

"What do you want from me?" Trent answered.

Laughing his ass off, Mike the sword swallower pushes Trent off the stage.

"Not you. Shreck." Mike smirks as Tyler heroically stood before his father.

"You'll have to go through me!" Tyler exclaimed at the goons.

"All this courage. Goosebump-city." Sam the fat clown said simultaneously, as he whip-throws a knife that grazes Tyler's ear.

"Son!" Alejandro said in such shock.

"Dad! Save yourself!" Tyler exclaimed painfully as Alejandro has already dashed off from the scene.

The Batmobile then rockets toward the viewer, the bat insignia reflecting off the windshield. It plows through the gargantuan "present," shredding it to pieces. Three stilt-walkers (Ezekiel, Noah, and Cody) are viciously kicking the crowd. Batman then slams down a lever as Twin blades sprout from the Batmobile's sides, like wings, to saw off the stilts, whose owners now crash down, face-first.

Out of slots, Batman fires a whooshing array of small, black, metal frisbees into the heads of some Carnival gangsters and Bikers. Now he focuses upon Lightning the tattooed strongman, chasing Harold and the Little girl. harold looks to the oncoming Batmobile and knowingly ducks. A black frisbee savagely jettisons over his head, into the Lightning's face, crumpling him to the ground. Harold then rises up to broadly beam at the passing Batmobile.

Alejandro then huffs with growing confidence, into a less crowded sidestreet, trotting over a sewer grate. Loud animalistic panting and splashing sounds are heard as Alejandro stamps across the grate.

Meanwhile, Three Clowns spin and fire frantically at the charging Batmobile. One dives out of the way. The other Two slam atop the hood as Batman roars toward the Batman store and the Fire-breather blaspheming the display window. The woozy hood-top clowns raise their guns toward the windshield, while the escaped Clown rains bullets against its back window.

Batman then brakes the Batmobile as the Hoodtop Clowns sail into the stunned Firebreather and all three land on the merchandising. Batman twists a square black Knob as the powerful steel jack-type devicejets out the bottom of the Batmobile and lifts the vehicle up off the ground. The Batmobile does a sharp 180 degree spin. Batman re-twists the knob as thehe jack slams back up into the Batmobile. The Exhaust of the spun-around Batmobile volcanoes toward the gaping Firebreather, fittingly setting him on fire, along with both clowns.

The Batmobile then thunders at the clown who'd escaped. This clown grabs innocent bystander Heather Kyle. In the scuffle, a heel cracks off one of her shoes. The blitzing Batmobile comes to a skidding halt as the Clown presses a sleek stun-gun to Heather's neck.

"I probably shouldn't bring this up, but this is a very serious pair of shoes you ruined. Couldn't you have just been a prince and broken my jaw? My body will heal, but this was the last pair left in my size." Heather complained as the evil clown would hear no more of it.

"All these innocent bystanders and I had to pick you ...SHUT UP!" The evil clown shouted as the Batmobile door whooshes right open. Batman then pounds straight at the clown with an eerie force of nature. Meanwhile, an acrobat somersaults into his face, but Batmam casually punches his lights out.

"Listen up, Mister Man-bat, you take one step closer and I'll..." The clown said right to Batman, but he soon cut him off.

"Sure." Batman shot back as he gunslingers out his grapple speargun. The wired hook rockets past the clown's jerking away head and into the wall behind him.

"Nice shot, Mister..." The clown scoffed in which Batman, or Justin yanked the wire, ripping off a chunk of wall that smacks the back of the clown's head as he staggers.

"You shouldn'a left the other heel." Heather spoke down to the unconscious as with her surviving heel, she kicks the Crumpled Clown's knee, knocking him and the stun gun to the ground. Batman bends to his vanquished foe.

As Justin, or Batman touches triangle tattoo over his left eye, Heather is seen gushing at him.

"Wow. The Batman-or is it just 'Batman'? Your choice." Heather spoke dreamily as Batman finds himself staring at the lovely young woman. For a moment, time freezes between the two of them like wildfire. Of course, Heather didn't realize that he was talking to Justin Wayne inside that costume. And why not, he just looked so handsome and attractive in leather. Quite frankly, it was the Bat of her entire dreams in such an interesting and weird way.

"Gotta go." Batman spoke with a flirtatious wink, as then turns a half-block away, being schmoozed by Commissioner McLean. Onlookers cheer as it was just Heather alone here with her unconscious attacker.

"Well. That was... very brief. Like most men in my life. What men? Well, there's you, but ... you need therapy." Heather replied as she kneels beside the unconscious clown, picking up his stun-gun and zaps him, jolting his body a bit. "Electroshock therapy. What a bargain - we both feel better."

Hearing the sounds of cheers, Alejandro smiles in relief and stops atop a manhole to wipe his brow. Suddenly, the manhole cracks in half, sucking down a wailing Alejandro. The manhole flaps back up into a normal, seemingly untouched position.

Back at the plaza, The Commissioner hustles to keep pace with Batman.

"Thanks for saving the day, Batman." Commissioner Chris spoke in a good natured huff. "Thanks for making the rest of us look like a bunch of dolts... I'm afraid the Red Triangle Circus Gang is back."

"We'll see..." Batman replied as Trent the Mayor bustles up.

"The Caped Crusader. We don't deserve you! They almost made off with our mover and shaker, Alejandro Shreck. But-" Trent spoke out a little upset as it belatedly dawns on himself. He then looks around, blinking. "Where is that insufferable sonovabitch?"

Trent turns right to the direction of Batman, but he had vanished too.

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**Looks like Justin saved Gotham City once again, for now. What's gonna happen in the next chapter, though? Read and review to find out!**


	3. Chapter 2

**Batman Returns: The Total Drama Version**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the movie or the Total Drama series. Batman is owned by DC comics and Total Drama is owned by FreshTV. Enough said.  
**

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**Chapter 2**

Later that night, Heather enters, hanging up her winter coat and calling out.

"Honey, I'm home." Heather replied as she laughed wearily at her private joke. "Oh, I forgot. I'm not married..."

Heather the turns on the light and takes in her '90's quaint, "feminine" apartment - pink carpet, cute linoleum, a neon "HELLO THERE!" on the wall - a meticulous doll house, a quilt-in-progress, a pretty embarrassing assortment of stuffed animals and a Christmas tree. Through her open window, a feisty, beautiful cat slinks in.

"Miss Kitty... Back from more sexual escapades you refuse to share ... not that I'd ever pry. Drink your dinner." Heather spoke down to the cat as she sets out a dish of milk. Miss Kitty comes over, purring. "What did you just purr? 'How can anyone be so pathetic?' Yes, to you I seem pathetic. But I'm a working girl, gotta pay the rent. Maybe if you were chipping in, 'stead of stepping out..."

She then passes childhood photos of a younger, yet happier Heather on a trampoline, on a horse, on a mountain face... then turns on her answering machine. As it plays, she opens her Murphy bed and turns down the covers. The voice on the machine turns out to be Heather's mom, in such a sternly voice.

_"Heather, dear. It's your mother. Just calling to say hello-"_

"Yeah right, 'but'-" Heather spoke out cutting in on the brief message for a bit.

_"But I'm disappointed you're not coming home for Christmas. I was looking forward to discussing your life. To hearing just why you insist on languishing in Gotham City as some lowly secretary-"_

"Lowly 'assistant'. Thank you." Heather replied, hearing enough of that tiring conversation as she then fast forwards to the voice of her lame boyfriend.

_"Heather, about that Christmas getaway we planned? I'll be going alone. Doctor Shaw says I need to be my own person now, and not an appendage."_

"Some appendage." Heather scoffed as she fast forwarded yet again. "The party never stops on Heather Kyle's answering machine... Guess I should've let him win that last racquetball game..."

Heather then moves onto the next message, which seems to be the voice of a gruff woman.

_"Heather... We've missed you at the rape prevention class ... It's not enough to master martial arts. Hey, Elvis knew those moves, and he died fat. You must stop seeing yourself as a vict-"_ the voice said annoyingly as Heather switched the fast forward button again onward. Miss Kitty then compassionately snuggles beside her, as Heather's own voice popped up inside the machine.

_"Hi, Heather, this is yourself calling. To remind you, honey, that you have to come all the way back to the office unless you remembered to bring home the Justin Wayne file, because the meeting's on Wednesday and Alejandro Slavemaster will freak if every pertinent fact is not at your lovely tapered fingertips."_

Deciding that she finally had enough, Heather fires her stun gun at the answering machine, jolt-ing it off. Again, she slaps her forehead with her hand. Then goes to her closet, puts her coat back on. As she exits:

"The file! You stupid corn dog. Corn dog. Deep fried! Corn dog..." Heather said with regret once again as she exits.

Meanwhile, right around nighttime, the viewer is suddenly wafting over the creepy panorama of an abandoned Zoo Expo Area, downward to a decrepit "Arctic World" Pavilion, and through its colossal, cracked Observation window.

Squirming down the walls of the lair where Penguin found his home, Alejandro Shreck is settling to a tight glimpse of himself slumping over the edge of a block of ice. Alejandro then teeters up into consciousness, glancing to his side to see a grand Emperor Penguin curiously staring at him. Alejandro yelps as the Penguin yelps back. Calming himself, Alejandro turns to face forward, then screams again. The block of ice is revealed to be a strange con-ference table populated by the Red Triangle Circus Gang, including: a disturbingly Ratty Poodle and its matching owner which is Gwen, the Ratty Poodle Lady; Scott, the Organ Grinder and his two monkeys; Lightning, the Tattooed Strongman; Mike, the Sword Swallower; Dakota, the Knifethrowing Dame; the Fat and Thin Clowns; Noah, Cody and Ezekiel, the three Stiltwalkers; Anne Maria the Snakewoman; and four ND acrobats.

An awesome, seedy electrical generator wires to a massive air conditioner, wheezes sparks with a malevolent hum. The gang's snickering now fades into respectful silence. Actual penguins of every size heedlessly horseplay in the icy moat. A dripping sound is heard as Alejandro turns with the drip seen thudding against an umbrella improbably held by one of the penguins.

As he emerges from the pack, we see that he wears a grimy coat. Then he flaps down his umbrella, revealing his face for the first time in glory. It is not a penguin but Owen Cobblepot, a.k.a. The Penguin.

"Hi." Penguin replied as Alejandro launches into a face-contorting wail, but his shock prevents him from emitting actual sound. He closes his mouth then tries another Munchesque wail to no aural effect. "I believe the word you're looking for is...A-A-A-A-A-G-H-! Actually this is all just a bad dream. You're home in bed. Heavily sedated, resting comfortably, and dying from the carcinogens you've personally spewed in a lifetime of profiteering. Tragic irony or poetic justice? You tell me."

"My god... it's true. The Penguin- Man of the sewers... Please, don't h-" Alejandro spoke in a stunned, yet stuttered tone, but was soon cut off by The Penguin (Owen) again.

"Quiet, Alejandro. What do you think, this is a conversation?" Penguin responds as Alejandro shuts right up the spot. The Penguin, or Owen, idly "tries out" his little umbrella as it spits fire just like a dragon. Satisfied, he sets it down. "We have something in common, we two... We're both perceived as monsters. But, somehow, you're a well-respected monster, and I am... to date... not."

There is a small arsenal of umbrellas at his feet. The Penguin picks up another one as it shoots knives.

"Frankly I feel that's a bum rap. I'm a businessman. Tough, yes. Shrewd, okay. But that doesn't make me a mon-" Alejandro spoke with such mustering courage as Owen cuts him off with such a cackle.

"Don't embarrass yourself, Al. I know all about you. What you hide, I discover. What you put in your toilet, I place on my mantlepiece. Get the picture?" Penguin replied slightly as he is playing with a third umbrella. He begins to twirl it at Alejandro, knowing that his umbrella's got a bright spiral pattern, like one of those cheesy "hypno-disks" from the backs of comic books.

"What, is that supposed to 'hypnotize' me?" Alejandro scoffed once again.

"No, just give you a splitting headache." Owen smiled evilly right at him.

"Well it's not working." he added as Penguin (Owen) "fires" the umbrella right at Alejandro with a deafening gunshot. Alejandro just flies back in horror. "Am I hit?"

"You big baby! Just blanks. Would I go to all this trouble tonight just to kill you? No, I have an entirely "other" purpose." Penguin speaks once again as he becomes suddenly solemn and subdued with a tear in his eye. "I'm ready, Al. I've been lingering down here too long. I'm starting to like the smell ... bad sign. It's high time for me to ascend. To re-emerge. With your help, your know-how, your savvy, your acumen. I wasn't born in the sewer, you know. I come from..." He looks up, at a place far above the sewers.

"Like you. And, like you, I want some respect ... a recognition of my basic humanity ... an occasional breeze..." Pengiun added clearly as his statement made the Circus Gang look touched. Alejandro just stays poker- faced. "Most of all, I want to find out who I am. By finding my parents. Learning my 'human' name. Simple stuff that the good people of Gotham take for granted."

"And exactly why am I gonna help you?" Alejandro added constantly, giving a face to Owen saying 'Boy, is he tough'. On cue, one of the Carny Creeps hands Penguin a grimy Christmas stocking with 'Al' disturbingly stitched on it.

"Well, let's start with a batch of toxic waste from your 'clean" textile plant. There's a whole lagoon of this crud, in the back..." Penguin said as he pulls a rusty thermos from the stocking and, from the thermos, pours some goo onto the tabletop, which sizzles.

"Yawn. That coulda come from anywhere." Alejandro spoke in such an unimpressed mood.

"What about the documents that prove you own half the firetraps in Gotham?"

"If there were such documents - and that is not an admission - I would have seen to it they were shredded." Alejandro commented as another Carny Goon hands over a sheaf of papers, which looks like they've been shredded, but carefully placed together with tape.

"A lot of tape and a little patience make all the difference. By the way, how's Fred Adkins, your old partner?"

"Fred. Fred? He's... actually he's been on an extended vacation, and-" Alejandro spoke a little rattedly as from under the table, Penguin (Owen) pulls out a discolored human hand and happily waves it at a whitened Alejandro.

"Hi, Al. Remember me? I'm Fred's hand. Want to greet any other body parts? Or stroll down memory lane, with torn-up kinky Polaroids? Failed urine tests? Remember, Al... You flush it, I flaunt it." Penguin added by doing his best ventriloquist as Alejandro sits there looking a bit chastened, thoughtful, considering all the incriminating evidence before him. Now he manages a smile.

"You know what, Mr... Penguin-Sir? I think perhaps I could help orchestrate a little welcome-home scenario for you. And once we're both back home, perhaps we can help each other out..." Alejandro said with such negotation. This made Owen, or Penguin very delighted.

"You won't regret this, Mr. Shreck..." Penguin commented with agreeable tone as he puts out a hand and Alejandro shakes. Penguin then abruptly pulls his flipper away, leaving Alejandro holding "Fred"'s severed paw. The Carny Crew booms in laughter as Alejandro manages to offer a weak giggle.

* * *

**Looks like Alejandro made a deal with the devil who looks like a penguin-looking tubby like Owen. What will this secret alliance hold anyway?**

**Next chapter will come up right after you read and review! BAZINGA!**


	4. Chapter 3

**Batman Returns: The Total Drama Version**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the movie or the Total Drama series. Batman is owned by DC comics and Total Drama is owned by FreshTV. Enough said.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Trent the Mayor, accompanied by TV news-cams, grimly tours the scene of last night's rampage. Accompanied by his wife Courtney, holding their baby and an appropriately solemn Alejandro. Trent started to speak right to the reporters.

"I tell you this, not just as an official, but as a husband and father... last night's eruption of lawlessness will never hap-"

Then suddenly from behind the ravaged tree, an acrobat-thug somersaults at the Mayor's Wife, and snatches the baby! Then leaps onto the platform and holds the baby up, like an Oscar.

"I'm not one for speeches, so I'll just say 'Thanks'." the acrobat-thug spoke out as Trent lunged for the attacker and gets pivot-kicked to the ground instead. The thug then races through a frightened crowd and falls into an open manhole. As bystanders gather, and try to peer into the darkness below, some voices were heard under the manhole.

"Hey! Oww!" the thugs' voice were heard from thumps of somebody taking a merciless pounding. It just happens to be the screams of the Thug. Now he comes scrambling out of the manhole, dazed and empty-handed ... and madly dashes away ...

Next, amid cries of "Stand back!" and "My God, look!" as the bystanders back off, revealing the spectacle of the Mayor's tiny child levitating - as if by magic - from the depths of purgatory. But no, it's not magic... it's... Penguin! He holds the babe aloft in one yucky but powerful flipper.

Around the Wayne Manor living room, that night. Harold is standing on a stepladder attaching ornaments to a Christmas tree, but finding his attention claimed by the TV. Justin is sitting on the couch, also entranced by the lead item on the local news.

_"This morning's miracle... Gotham will never forget."_

The rest of the scene in Gotham Plaza plays out on video as The Penguin is now fully out above the pavement, so we can see how he'd miraculously floated up... on a big Rubber Duck attached to a tall scissor-lift

_"That's him: The shadowy, much rumored penguin-man of the sewers, arisen. Until today, he'd been another tabloid myth, alongside the Abominable Snowman and the Loch Ness Monster..."_ the announcer said as The Mayor's wife soon snatches up her baby in tears. Then, fighting nausea, she embraces the modest, abashed Penguin - whose eyes heartbreakingly blink in the unaccustomed light. "But now this odd little man-beast can proudly stand tall, alongside our own legendary Batman."

Trent the Mayor tries to shake Penguin's hand... but somehow Alejandro Shreck is standing between them, patting Penguin's back.

"Gotham's leading citizen, Alejandro Shreck, had been on a fact-finding mission in Gotham Plaza..." the announcer said once again as Alejandro whispered something in Penguin's pointy little ear with words such as "C'mon, you're a hero, it's your moment". Embarrassed, but - aw, what the hell - Penguin takes a little bow. Gotham Plaza erupts as "Joy To The World" was pealed over the PA.

Justin and Harold we're both frozen to the core as they both still stood staring at the TV. Penguin (Owen) was now in Gotham Plaza, doing a live interview. Shabby but proud in his tattered cloak, shielding his eyes with a small, touchingly frayed umbrella from the glare of the studio lights he haltingly, earnestly tells the camera his words.

"All I want in return... is the chance to... to find my folks. Find out who they are... and, thusly, who I am... and then, with my parents, just... try to understand why... why they did what I guess they felt they had to do, to a child who was born looking a little... different. A child who spent his first Christmas, and many since, in a sewer." Penguin replied with such fainting sadness.

Harold was back to trimming the tree. But Justin still stares at the TV screen, presently.

"Mr. Wayne ... Something wrong?

"No, nothing, ah..." Justin spoke as he took a bit of a pause. "His parents... I... I hope he finds them."

"That would be nice." Harold murmured with Justin's agreement. Justin however continues to scrutinize the image of the Penguin on the screen.

Next day, the press photographers jostle to snap photos through the windows of the baroque old building. Frustrated journalists we're barred from the building by a row of cops, therefore interviewing each other.

"Whattaya think he'll do to his mom and dad, when he finds 'em?" the first journalist said right to the cop.

"What would you do to your mom and pa, if they flushed you down the poop- chute?" Cody the aggressive reporter spoke with such a stupid question as he tried to sneak in through a side entrance. He's grabbed by two Shreck Security guard.

"Mr. Penguin is not to be disturbed." the guard spoke to the aggressive reporter, escorting him off in which he started to go on a bit of an outrage.

"The Hall of Records is a public place! You're violating the First Amendment, abridging the freedom off the press-" he was soon cut off as Alejandro Shreck was standing here, suddenly surrounded by a posse of his own sympathetic reporters, who jot down every pearl.

"What about the freedom to rediscover your roots, with dignity, with privacy?" Alejandro responded nicely.

"What's the deal, Mr. Shreck? Is the Penguin a personal friend?" Cody the reporter said as he thrusted his tape-recorder at Alejandro's mouth, and he smiles.

"Yes he's a personal friend. Of this whole city. So have a heart, buddy." Alejandro replied as he flicked off the Cody's Record button. "And give the Constitution a rest, okay? It's Christmas."

Owen is seen alone in the vast, silent Main Hall. Seated at an enormous table. Surrounded by files marked "Birth Certificates"... hundreds of thousands of birth records of Gotham's citizens, past and present... and Penguin is patiently checking each certificate, "thumbing" through them all with his slimy left flipper. His right flipper is wrapped around a pen. Every so often, Penguin pauses, then jots down another name, on a legal pad. So singleminded in his search, he doesn't hear the muffled cries of his name through the windows of the reporters. The sound then DISSOLVE.

It's night now. A cloak of darkess through the oversized windows as the press has finally gone home... but Penguin is still here, he hasn't budged. He was still methodically "flipping" through all those birth certificates and still jotting down names... male names, boy names... on a legal pad. He's filled many pads by now in which there was a tall stack of them. By the eerie light of a single table-lamp, he keeps writing.

The Batmobile then sleekly cruises down a deserted street. As Batman drives, Harold's face comes on a screen inside the Batmobile.

"The city's been noticeably quiet since the thwarted baby-napping ... yet still you patrol. What about eating? Sleeping? You won't be much good to anyone else if you don't look after yourself." harold spoke in such a concerned manner.

"The Red Triangle Circus Gang... they're jackals, Harold. They hunt in packs, at night-" Justin said as he was acting so consciously.

"Are you concerned about that strange, heroic Penguin person?" Harold replied as Batman (Justin) scoffed and glanced out the window, which was the hall of records. It was a surprise to himself because that's what he was exactly cruising. The one light inside still burns, throwing a long shadow of the strange, hunched-over Penguin at his desk, resolutely doing his research.

In front of the building were one of Alejandro's guards and a policeman. Both slumped on the front stairs, both snoozing. As Batman drives around the Hall, he checked the silent street for trouble, then surveying the single lit window.

"Funny you should ask, Alfred. Maybe I am a bit concerned." Batman spoke ambigously.

It was daytime, a mob of press and morbid curiosity-seekers , even some over- night Penguin-groupies, try to muscle their way into this grand, well-tended boneyard for the rich and expired. Gotham's own Forest Lawn, and a flying wedge of the city's finest, arms interlocked, keeps out the rabble, as ... The Penguin, in threadbare black, waddles past the manicured headstones to the twin markers etched with the names Tucker and Esther Cobblepot.

Now, reaching his parents' final resting places, he falls to his knees not very far to go. The plucks two wilted old roses from his sleeve, and places one upon each plot. From behind the police barricade, the whirring camera now

Not an instant of this drama is being lost to posterity. A Penguin groupie faints. Around her, other girls pick up the cue as some wail, others swoon. After a moment of silent contemplation, The Penguin rises again as he mournfully shambled back to the crowded cemetery entrance.

"So - Mr. Penguin..." Cody the aggressive reporter sppoke in such rush again.

"I have a name. It's Owen Cobblepot." Owen replied with such quiet, yet tragic dignity.

"Mr. Cobblepot! You'll never get a chance to settle up with 'em, huh?" Cody said agressively yet again as around him, the crowd gasps in shock at such nerve. But Penguin doesn't look shocked, merely surprised. As the flashbulbs flash, he pensively twirls his umbrella and answers in a reasonable facsimile of a soft, sweet squawk.

"True. I was their number one son, and they treated me like number two. But it's human nature, to fear the unusual... even with all their education and privilege... My dad, a district attorney, mother active in the DAR... Perhaps when I held my Tiffany baby rattle with a shiny flipper, and not five chubby digits, they freaked. But I forgive them." Owen finished as Another ripple through the crowd, of pure love and devotion.

The Paperboy doesn't have enough tabloids to sell as they're flying out of his hands. He now quotes the banner headline.

"Penguin Forgives Parents... 'I'm Fully At Peace With Myself and the World...'" All around him, charmed Gothamites read each other their fave quotes from the cover story.

"...You don't need hands, as long as you've got heart ..."

"...My heart is filled with love. I feel five feet tall ..."

"He's like a frog, that became a prince..."

"No, he's more like a penguin..."

A couple soon picks up the exchange of this story as they pass.

"Abandoned penguins from the old Arctic World raised him..." Hearing this, the woman then wipes a tear, and squeezes his hand tenderly and gushes.

"Makes you remember the true meaning of the holiday. The love, the giving... Forget Christmas shopping... It's a virtual sea of the late-city edition. Hot-off-the-presses newspapers everywhere..."

Inside the Batcave meanwhile, Justin Wayne is also reading a newspaper, but he's not holding it and it's not today's issue. The newspaper is on microfiche, and it's projected on a large screen before him. It's old, faded, and yellowed as Justin scans the articles and murmurs as he scrolls from one to the next.

"... Red Triangle Circus put on a swell show last night, with fierce lions..." Justin read as he punches in a command, that appears on top of the screen that reads: CONTINUE SEARCH FOR Red Triangle. A blur as back issues whiz by, then another old article appears. "...Triangle Circus has returned for a two-week... Kids will love..."

As Justin searches for the next reference, his butler Harold enters with supper, on a tray.

"Thanks, Harold." Justin replied, thanking him as he sips the soup. "It's cold."

"It's vichyssoise, sir." said Harold.

"Vichyssoise. Supposed to be cold, right?" Justin added as he returned to his search through the file.

"Mr. Wayne. Does the phrase 'Christmas holiday' hold any resonance for you?" Harold spoke again as Justin let out a gentle laugh. Justin then grabs an interactive CD on his table-top and lobs it at Harold like a frisbee.

"Listen to yourself, Harold. Hassling me, yesterday, in my car." Justin chuckled as harold dutifully pops the CD in a player, and hears his own voice, recorded last night in the Batmobile.

_"What about eating? Sleeping? You won't be much good to anyone else-",_ he then snaps the tape off.

"I learned to live without a mother a long time ago, thanks." Justin spoke out understandingly as he turns back to the next article onscreen, looking tense. "...Circus is back, with a freak show that may not be suitable for your kids. Featuring a bearded lady, the world's fattest man, and an aquatic bird-boy."

Justin then turns to Harold with a face that says 'what do you make of that?'. Harold shrugged a bit.

"Why are you now determined to prove that this Penguin- er, Mr. Cobblepot - is not what he seems? Must you be the only lonely 'man-beast' in town?" Harold added as Justin was already engrossed in the next article onscreen.

"...Circus folded its tents yesterday, perhaps forever. After numerous reports of missing children in several towns, police have closed down the Red Triangle's fairgrounds. However, at least one freak show performer vanished before he could be questioned." Justin responded as he turned back to Harold, as a strange 'smoking-gun' smile was displayed on his butler's face.

"I suppose you feel better now, sir."

"No, actually I feel worse..." Justin spoke out rationally as the two men became wordless and worriedly regardless.

"Eat up your vichyssoise." Harold spoke as he was quite finished.

* * *

**This chapter was pretty much confusing for me at the least. But what's gonna happen in the next chapter? Read and review please! WINNING!**


	5. Chapter 4

**Batman Returns: The Total Drama Version**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the movie or the Total Drama series. Batman is owned by DC comics and Total Drama is owned by FreshTV.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Booming up to the Executive Suite, Heather Kyle is at her desk in the outer office, just slaving away making notes. Now her pen nervously jerks as Alejandro oozes in, surprising her with a smarmy palm on her shoulder.

"Working late? I'm touched." Alejandro replied.

"No, I am." Heather spoke right under her breath. "Yes, I'm boning up for your Justin Wayne meeting in the morning. I pulled all the files on the proposed power plant, and Mr. Wayne's hoped-for investment... I've studied up on all of it ... I even opened the protected files and-" Max looks surprised.

"Why, how industrious. And how did you open protected files, may I ask?" Alejandro spoke in just a surprised tone.

"Well I figured that your password was 'Finster.' Your Pomeranian. And it was. And it's all very interesting, though a bit on the technical side, I mean about how the power plant is a power plant in name only since in fact it's gonna be one big giant..." Heather continued as Alejandro encouragingly nods to her to go on. She then consults her notes. "Big giant capacitor. And that, instead of generating power it'll sort of be - sucking power, from Gotham City, and storing it... stockpiling it, sort of? Which, unless I'm being dense, is a novel approach, I'd say."

"And who ... would you say this to?" Alejandro complied with his eyebrow rosen as Heather is suddenly a tad less certain of her position. Alejandro soon lights a match, and sets her notepad afire, which causes her to swallow herself.

"Well... um... nobody-?" Heather spoke a little less frightening as Alejandro drops the charred notepad and moves toward her.

"Where did curiosity get the cat?"

"I'm no cat. I'm just an assistant. A secretary-" Heather corrected him again before Alejandro once cut her off.

"And a very, very good one."

"Too good?" Heather responded as she took quite a guess. Alejandro nodded with a meaning that just said 'you got it, babycakes'. Heather really started to back away now. "It's our secret. Honest. How can you be so mean to someone so meaningless?"

"I must protect my interests, Ms. Kyle. And Interest Number One, is moi." he spoke a little less creepily as Heather is up against the window now, her back to the pane.

"Okay, go ahead. Intimidate me, bully me if it makes you feel big. I mean, it's not like you can just kill me." Heather said in a burst of bravado.

"Actually, it's a lot like that..." Alejandro replied as if he was almost pitying her one bit. There was now tense silence. as Alejandro lets out a smile. Heather soon wipes away a tear.

"For a second, you really frightened-" Heather responded, but as soon as she started to keep on talking...

...Alejandro savagely pushes Heather through the window. She screamed horribly as Heather swirled downward through shattering glass and snow-flakes with tragic beauty. Her fall is luckily slowed by a protruding flagpole with the smiling Shreck cat logo on its flapping flag. Then she lands in a deep snowdrift.

Heather's eyes started to creak open, fuzzily focusing on the happy cat above.

"Help me... someone... Miss Kitty..." Heather spoke in such faintly fashion as she could see her life flashing right through her almost-deathly eyes.

Alejandro then turned deathly away from the window, stunned by his own violence. Even more stunned, he sees Tyler who had been standing in the doorway, watching the whole thing.

"I... it was terrible, I leaned over, and accidentally knocked her, out-" Alejandro spoke in a pretended, yet stunned tone

"She jumped. She'd been depressed." Tyler spoke coolly of this situation.

"Yes. Yes. Boyfriend trouble...?" Alejandro spoke with a nod.

"PMS." Tyler spoke out, shaking his head as he turned and walked out. Alejandro then watches his son go, seeing him in an entirely new light.

Meanwhile, right through the icy dark alley. Miss Kitty, summoned by her desperate owner, now appears leading cats of every shape, color and demeanor from every direction.

Heather's cat crawls up onto her blouse and begins to breathe into her mouth in an eerie feline C.P.R. ballet. A Siamese whispers in Heather's ear, as aw-so-cute Tabbies snuggle against the soles of her feet. A scraggly Tom then viciously bites her finger as Heather's eyes suddenly fly open out of nowhere.

Battered, bloodied, and clutching Miss Kitty, Heather then re-enters her apartment. She is the malevolent antidote to her poignantly pleasant previous self. She stares in unmoving, but torrid self-contemplation.

Then she explodes into one hell of a vivid montage. With a black spray paint can in each hand, Heather attacks everything thats pink and eggshell-carpet, couch, wallpaper. With uncoiled wire coat-hangers, she sets about trans-forming her Murphy bed into something weird and painful. Heather flings her childhood picture off the wall into a mini-bonfire, which included her sad Christmas tree, and set up on her kitchen-nook table.

She lustily shoves a stuffed unicorn into her garbage disposal. The carnage of other ex-cute toy creatures are spread about as Miss Kitty races about, purring in delight. With a sewing needle, Heather repeatedly stabs her doll's house, annihilating the micro-detailed rooms. In close-up, the rooms seem to be invaded by a giant silver missile. Next, with the same needle, we see her stitching together something slinky, stretchy and black.

Then she assaults her feel-good neon sign. With her bare fists, Heather aggressively punches out the last letter of the first word and the first letter of the second, turning "Hello there! into "Hell here!"

The next day, as the sun rises through the windows, Heather then sits in a lotus position on the floor of her very redone apartment. She is wearing her sinful, heartstopping, and naughty black hand-sewn cat-suit as he slides a pristine bowl of milk to her content cat.

"I don't know about you, Miss Kitty, but I feel so... much... yummier..." Heather spoke in such a sultry, yet sexy voice. This was the life-changing moment that she had now desperately found.

It was the moment that Heather Kyle had now transformed into Catwoman.

* * *

**Well, this oughta be interesting... This just happened to be my favorite part in the movie, and I could just imagine Heather having to dress so hot in Catwoman-like leather... Meeee-ow! What's gonna happen next to her in the next chapter anyway. Read and review to find out! Woo woo woo, you know it!**


	6. Chapter 5

**Batman Returns: The Total Drama Version**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the movie or the Total Drama series. Batman is owned by DC comics and Total Drama is owned by FreshTV.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

As the morning day mechanics, hustle trying to fix the broken tree. Justin Wayne gazes at this hapless exercise, then moves past the torched Bat merchandising toward the Shreck building.

Alejandro and Tyler then stare down expressionless, out from the shattered office window. Snow has now wisped into the office.

"I hope nothing-I don't know, "icky" happened to her. Devoured by stray reindeer, or... Bruce." Alejandro snickered inside of himself as Justin Wayne has just entered. As he shakes with Alejandro, his eyes drift to the window.

"Hmm. Primitive ventilation." Justin replied constantly.

"Damn those Carny bolsheviks the other night, throwing bricks at my windows-" Alejandro said as he turned the other cheek.

"No. No glass on the inside."

"Weird, huh?" Alejandro added quite fidgetedly.

They then sit right inside the conference room as Justin sits at the circular conference table.

"I'd offer you coffee, but my assistant is using her vacation time." Alejandro said as he was pacing a little.

"Good time, too." Justin spoke out pointedly. "Everyone but the bandits seem to be slacking off till after New Years'." Justin responded as Alejandro aggressively sits knee to knee with him.

"Not sure I like the inference, Justin. I'm pushing this power plant now only because it'll cost more, later. And a million saved is a million earned." Alejandro nods a little as Justin snapped open his briefcase, pulls out a bound report.

"I commissioned this report. Thought you should see it." Justin added as Alejandro felt ostentatiously bored, as he flipped through the thing. "I'll cut to the chase, Alejandro. Gotham City has a power surplus. I'm sure you know that. So the question is... what're you up to?"

Hearing this, Alejandro now jumps to his feet.

"A power surplus! Justin, shame on you - no such thing! One can never have too much power." said Alejandro on which Tyler stood tall beside his dad, who nods with him. "If my life has had any meaning, that's the meaning."

"Alejandro, I'm gonna fight you on this. The Mayor and I have already spoken and we see eye to eye here. So..." Justin added as Alejandro cut him off understandingly.

"Mayors come and go. And heirs tire easily. Really think a flyweight like you could last fifteen rounds with Muhammed Shreck." Alejandro smirked a little.

"I'm not scared of you, Alejandro." Justin said fearlessly, as he shuthis briefcase and stood. "Not compared to that 'Cobblepot' person you're promoting..."

"Scared of Owen, are you? Why, if his parents hadn't eighty- sixed him you two might've been roomies, at prep school!" Alejandro said in such deriding manner.

'"Owen' is linked to the Red Triangle Gang. I can't prove it but we both know it's true." Justin shot back a little bit fiercely.

"Wayne, I'll not stand for mud-slinging in this office." Alejandro added as he was now starting to lose his patience a little. "If my assistant were here, she'd already have escorted you out, to-"

"Wherever he wants." a female voice said cutting Alejandro right off.

Hearing those words come out of nowhere. Justin, Alejandro and Tyler all turn to see Heather, as she sashays in looking assertively dressed and coiffed, hand bandaged but head held high.

"Preferably some nightspot, grotto, or secluded hideaway..." Heather commented as she then turned right to Justin. "You look good in a suit..."

Recognizing her as the spirited woman he had stared at in the plaza several days back, Justin gives her a warm calm smile.

"Heather? Heather... Heather..." Alejandro stuttered in a shocked tone.

"That's my name, Maximillions. Don't wear it out, babe, or I'll make you buy me a new one." Heather shot back to him coolly.

"Uh, Heather, this is, uh, Justin Wayne." Alejandro spoke out introducing his secretary to Justin.

"We've met." Justin responded tightly.

"Have we?" Heather said as he raised her eyebrow at him. Justin then realizes his 'error.'

"Sorry. I mistook me for somebody else." he spoke a little embarrassingly.

"You mean mistook me?"

"Didn't I say that?"

"Yes and no..." Heather spoke amusingly as Justin stepped forward and took her bandaged hand gently..

"What happened?" Justin said in a concerned state.

"Yes, did - did you injure yourself on that ski slope? Is that why you cut short your vacation and came back?" Alejandro spoke right to Heather in a steely smile that said: answer 'yes' or else. Heather then responded with a shrugs.

"Maybe that broken window over there had something to do with it, or maybe not, it's blurry... I mean, not complete amnesia... I remember Sister Mary-Margaret puking in Church, and Becky Riley said it was morning sickness. And I remember the time I forgot to wear underpants to school, and the name of the boy who noticed... Ricky Friedburg, he's dead now... But last night? Complete and total blur." Heather spoke with a little white lie as Alejandro had traded looks with Tyler.

"Heather... Please show out Mr. Wayne..." Alejandro replied as the twosome left the conference room together.

Heather then sees Justin to the elevator as they soon scope each other like submarines.

"You don't seem like the type who does business with Mr. Shreck." Heather replied clearly.

"No. And you don't seem like the type who takes orders from him." Justin said quite clearly as well.

"Well, that's a... long story..."

"Well, I could... free up some time..."

"I'm listed." said Heather.

"I'm tempted." Justin replied as Heather backed toward the conference room.

"I'm working." Heather added as Justin backed into the corridor.

"I'm leaving." Justin finished as he punches down the punch button to puncuate the syllables. "Hea-ther..."

The car finally arrives and Justin gets in. Suddenly, he remembered something. Fighting the closing doors, Justin dashes out just in time.

Inside the office, Heather stops to spitefully squeeze a few drops of blood from her injured fingertip into the percolating coffee. Suddenly she looks up, realizing that Justin is standing here, as Heather looks embarrassed.

"Pouring myself into my work." Heather joked slightly. Justin calms himself and then smiles.

"I, ah... didn't catch your last name."

"Oh. 'Kyle.'" Heather mimes making a telephone call. "Rhymes with 'dial.'"

Justin signals 'gotcha' and then he backs out.

Back inside the conference room, a brooding Alejandro dials out to the phone.

"You buy this 'blurry' business?" Tyler replied right to his dad.

"Women... nothing surprises me, Chip. Excepting your late mother..." Alejandro spoke out with a shrug. "Who even knew Heather had a brain to damage? Bottom line: she tries to blackmail us, we drop her out a higher window. Meanwhile I got badder fish to fry." Alejandro then spoke right into the phone. " Yeah - Owen, please."

A two-story warehouse space with a particularly funky top floor. A dozen Red Triangle Carny Creeps rough-house on the filthy loft floor. Others crawl in and out, through a vent. Penguin is sitting by an open window, enjoying the brisk winter air as he reviews his stack of legal pads, cross- referencing them against a Gotham City White Pages and scribbling down addresses, next to the boys' names. Scott the Organ Grinder lofts the phone to Penguin.

"For you, boss." Scott said right to him. The Penguin then takes the phone from him.

"Yeah, what is it? I'm busy up here?" Owen spoke right into the phone.

"Good. Stay busy up there." Alejandro replied with such a smile.

As he continues to talk, the ground floor slowly booms down as a far shinier, spiffier, classier, freshly-painted space is seen so that Owen could feel Alejandro's voice come over him.

_"I got plans for us, below. A lone Volunteer tapes red, white and blue bunting around the perimeter of the room. Bunting never looked so ominous."_

Then back up to the funky top floor...

"Plans." the Penguin spoke as he was distracted. "Swell. Later."

He then slams down the receiver as goes back to the phone book and his list.

Meanwhile, it was night time and it takes place at the same dark alley where Heather was miraculously awake from the cats. Except, that a relatively normal-looking mugger slaps his hand over a female victim's mouth and rummages into her purse.

"Help Bat-" the victim said before the mugger cut her off real easily.

"Now-now, pretty young thing, nice and easy..."

"Please, don't hurt me, I'll do anything..." the female victim said once again as from out of nowhere, the mugger squeals in pain suddenly as his hand is yanked out of the purse by a stinging whip that's wrapped around his wrist.

With a screech, Catwoman (Heather) suddenly lands around the mugger's neck, twisting him down in a brutal tackle.

"I just love a big strong man who's not afraid to show it, with someone half his size..." Catwoman said in such a sexual tone.

"Who the..." the mugger said as he was soon cut off by Catwoman, who smiles politely and puts away her whip.

"Be gentle, it's my first time" The Mugger charges up at Catwoman, who savagely Rockettes him back, gasping with fixed-the-toaster-by-myself delight. Then a flurry of talon scratches across his face that sends him squealing to the asphalt.

"Tic...Tac...Toe..." Catwoman purred quite evilly, yet sensually as the female victim rushes up to her

"Thank you, thank you, I was so scared..."

And the suddenly out of nowhere, Catwoman then swats the female victim back against a wall softly.

"You make it so easy, don't you - you pretty, pathetic young thing? Always waiting for some Batman to save you..." Catwoman spoke in such a serious, yet sweet tone. The female victim however is quaking with mouth twitching in fear. As Catwoman leans forward, the victim cringes, just expecting the worst that was gonna happen.

But Catwoman just throatily whispers into the female victim's ear.

"I'm Catwoman, hear me roar..." she whispered gaily cartwheels out of the alley and into the fallen nocturnal night.

* * *

**Wow, Heather sure makes one hell of a naughty Catwoman, I will tell you that again! Expect the next chapter of "Batman Returns: the Total Drama Version" after you read and review!**


	7. Chapter 6

**Batman Returns: The Total Drama Version**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the movie or the Total Drama series. Batman is owned by DC comics and Total Drama is owned by FreshTV.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Right around Campaign Headquarters, Lightning The Strongman pumps iron, rippling the bellydancers tattooed on his biceps. An acrobat walks on his hands across the filthy floor past Alejandro, who is walking alongside Penguin down the stairs, with one hand over his protegee's slitted eyes.

"Don't look, Owen. It's a surprise..." Alejandro replied.

"A big bag of fan mail? Filthy lucre? Wait, don't tell me... Is it a broad?" The Penguin spoke smiling giggedly as Alejandro followed them down to the spiffy ground floor storefront. He lifts his palm off Penguin's puss.

"Ta-da." Alejandro responded as Penguin's eyes just pop out of his head, revealing the storefront as "Cobblepot For Mayor" campaign headquarters! Bunting, balloons, posters proclaiming Ozzie vs. the Insiders, desks, MacIntoshes, and fresh-scrubbed college-kid Volunteers, who now burst into cheera and applause for a speechless Penguin. Under all that ruckus.

"Bu... wh... I... I mean..." Owen spoke in a speechless tone.

"Yes, adulation is a cross to bear. God knows I know. But someone's got to supplant our standing-in- the-way-of-progress Mayor and don't deny it, Mr. Cobblepot, you've got the magic!" Alejandro exclaimed in such glory.

"Al, elections happen in November. Is this not late December, or have I inhaled too much swamp gas in my time?" Owen added slightly as a stylish, slick and instantly loathsome pair suddenly pop out of nowhere, bedecked with accessories, Noah and Izzy.

"Keep the umbrella! Works for you! I'm Noah. Here! Reclaim your birthright!" Noah replied as he sticks a gold cigarette holder in The Penguin's mouth. As they flutter around him, Penguin instinctively fidgets.

"I'm Izzy. Stand still while I slip on these little glove-thingies..." Izzy smiled as she tugged the cute stuffed Mickey Mouse-y gloves over the Penguin's fingers, and trying to suppress her gag reflex. "Our research tells us that voters like fingers."

Noah, meantime, queasily fingers Penguin's tattered clothes and then flashes a "we've got a ways to go" grimace at Alejandro.

"Not a lot of reflective surfaces down in that sewer, huh?" Noah added as Izzy chuckled. Penguin soon joins in the laughter as the rest of the volunteers laugh too.

"Still, could be worse. My nose could be gushing blood." The Penguin suddenly added as Noah becomes frankly confused.

"Your nose could... what do you..."

And in a matter of time, The Penguin suddenly and viciously chomps on Noah's cute snout. The rest of the volunteers gasp at this.

"Enough! Everyone... " Alejandro declared as Noah faints with the blood coming out a bit. Meanwhile, Alejandro leads Penguin away to a quiet corner. And confides. "You're right, we missed the regularly scheduled election. But elected officials can be recalled, impeached, given the boot! Think of Nixon, Meacham, Barry... Then think of you, Owen Cobblepot, filling the void."

Penguin (Owen) nods at this as he's thinking about something quite like that.

"Me and that 'Izzy' chick... maybe we could take a tumble..." Owen thought as he furtively glances over at Izzy, who was swabbing Noah's blood. "Wonder if it's worth my time."

"We need signatures. To overturn the ballot. I can supply those, Owen." Alejandro spoke in such confidence for The Penguin.

"I could teach her my 'French flipper' trick..." Owen's eyeborw raised right at Izzy far away.

"Owen. We need one more thing." Alejandro added as Owen finally snapped out of it.

"A platform? Lemme see ... Stop global warming. Start global cooling. Make the world a colder place. Frigid..." he thought.

"That's fine, Owen. But to get the Mayor recalled, we still need a catalyst, a trigger, an incident. Like the Reichstag fire, the Gulf of Tonkin."

"'You're doin' great, Mayor Cobblepot.' 'Your table is ready, Mayor Cobblepot.' 'I need you, Owen. I need you now.' That's the biggest parasol I ever -" Owen daydream suddenly as Alejandro's words started to sink in. Penguin then points at the ceiling. "Ah. You want those lawless, mindless, homicidal imbeciles up there... you want my old friends... want them to humiliate the powers that be? Drive the Mayor into a foaming frenzy. You want my hideous cohorts to go haywire?

"Precisely." Alejandro said, smiling. "But they must come and go via the plumbing ducts that I've provided. That shall be as sacred as the separation between church and state."

"...Want 'em to go apeshit. Nutso. Ballistic... Do permanent damage to little old ladies. Loot, pillage, annoy people in a big way..." Owen spoke musefully. "Sounds fun. But I..."

Alejandro looks at him with a saying that said 'but you, what'? An evil shadow then falls over Penguin's face right on his slitted eyes.

"I got my own... quest to pursue up here. It's crucial I not get sidetracked, with some silly..." Owen added as Alejandro cut him off respectfully.

"Sidetracked? Owen, this is your chance to fulfill a destiny that your parents carelessly discarded..." Alejandro smiled slightly as Owen was starting to puff up a little.

"Reclaim my birthright, y'mean?"

"Imagine: You'll have the ear of the media. Access to captains of industry. Unlimited poon- tang..." Alejandro replied with a nod as the Penguin quickly decides.

"I wanna be the Mayor. I wanna be the Mayor of Gotham City..." The Penguin replied as he looks out at the city. As he does so, he makes a benediction. "Burn, baby, burn..."

At another street at Gotham City. Scott, which is wearing protective goggles, twists out some music as his monkeys dance. Then, he narrows down on his Organ Box causing an Insta-Teller machine to explode. His monkeys hop up to snatch flaming cash.

"All this dough... it's burning a hole in my pocket!" Scott the Organ Grinder exclaimed madly as back upstairs, The Penguin stands by the open window, watching the brilliant destruction, as his face is lit by the flames right outside. He then hears updates from a fat Clown, his ear against a radio.

The Ice Rink was torched!" Jonesy, the fat clown said right at the walkie talkie. "The 12th Precinct reports offensive graffiti and a pharmacy heist!"

Hearing this, Owen the Penguin starts makeing a fist, with phony fingers.

"Love to get my flippers dirty. Bust someone's skull. Eat someone's pet..." Owen thought madly as his face soon transforms that of a respective statesman. "But action must be balanced with discretion..."

Owen then moves back to his desk as he resumes writing, and adding new addresses, to his mysterious list.

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**Looks the havoc already started. Will Justin Wayne a.k.a. Batman show up in time to kick a little ass? The next chapter will be revealed right after you read and review! Please?**


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